It’s Not Her Fault She’s Pretty

http://unwinona.tumblr.com/post/30861660109/i-debated-whether-or-not-to-share-this-story

I read this story, and was completely blown away by it.  While I have plenty of experience with the first half, I can’t imagine how I would handle the second half, and I greatly admire the strength this woman had to have to be able to handle this situation the way she did.

But let’s get down to the real reason we’re here.  After I read the story, I shared a link to it on my Facebook page along with a few words, and was completely shocked by the response I got in the comments.  The main feedback that I read was not the outrage and sadness that I and a few others shared, but was instead quite a lot of “she should’ve known the proper way to handle it” and “she should know how to protect herself in public.  And this was coming from other women!

Umm…excuse me?!  Am I the only one seeing a problem with this?  As I scrolled through the comments, I couldn’t believe what I was reading.  And then later, I had a face-to-face conversation with someone about it (another woman, nonetheless), and she said the same thing.  I was completely flabbergasted.  How are there so many people missing so many problems with this?  How are there so many people putting the blame on this woman, not only for not getting rid of the crazy man, but not handling the men in the first half of the story properly.

Why are we so comfortable in the society where women can’t go out into public without watching everything they do because you never know who might interpret something you do or something you wear or even the way your face looks as an invitation?  Why have the tables turned so severely that it’s the woman’s fault that she doesn’t want to be hit on?

So I send this out as a call to anyone who may see this.  See the problems with this, the problems with the judgments set on women, the problems with society.  Do not allow us to settle into this life where women are seen as targets and goals.  Do not allow us to settle into a society where women have to be on guard and take special precautions merely to ride a train.  Most importantly, do not allow us to settle into a world where personal attacks, whether they be minor or extreme, are blamed on the victim.

“That’s just the world we live in” can never and should never be an excuse for inactivity.  “That’s just the way things are” are the most despicable 6 words I’ve ever heard.

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

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4 thoughts on “It’s Not Her Fault She’s Pretty

  1. (e)m says:

    The way I see it, the problem is two-fold. 1. A sexist society. 2. A society that blames victims in general. Got your car broken into? You shouldn’t have left anything on the seat. Got mugged? You shouldn’t have been in that part of town. Combine part one and part two. Got raped? You shouldn’t have been alone without a man to protect you. That is my take on how western society currently works. And because the culture blames the victim most of the time in any exchange, people can ignore problems and act like nothing should be done. It is an excuse for inaction, and can be traced back as one of the root problems of social injustice. Are you Poor? you didn’t work hard enough. No job, it’s your own fault. Discriminated against for race? Shouldn’t have been acting black. Mistreated for being a woman, get over it, you shouldn’t be so feminine. This is the exact mentality the republican party has in the U. S.

    So until we can stop the victim blaming, nothing will change.

  2. wordofwoz says:

    Very well said. One of my main focuses in the feminism movement is the fight against victim blaming. I know that the problem goes beyond just that aspect of it, but that’s where I tend to see it the most. I hate that this is what our society has come to. Victims of crime and hate already have so much to deal with, so much pain and suffering, so much other things they should be worrying about, and people decide to throw so much more on them by blaming them for things they never should have been blamed for or involved in in the first place. Quite honestly, the thought of that just makes me sick to my stomach.

  3. MorningV says:

    I think one of the biggest points that stood out in that story for me was the whole idea that men actually get offended when women don’t respond to their advances. It’s this assumption that women are SUPPOSED to respond to all conversation attempts, simply because they’re women. If I approach a man who is obviously busy and attempt to engage him in unwanted conversation, I’m the rude one for interrupting, but if a man approaches me for unwanted conversation, I’m again the rude one for dismissing him. As I write this, it occurs to me that this very well may speak to the larger issue of the relative importance of men’s and women’s activities. Anything that a man is involved in is automatically of more worth and importance than if that same task is performed by women. So, is it less rude to interrupt a woman because her time is less valuable? Or is it about the power discrepancies and the man is seen as having the “right” to interrupt her because of his greater value? I suppose the reality is all of this mixed into one, but regardless, the inherent inferiority of women is apparent in this and so many other situations.

    • wordofwoz says:

      Well, don’t you know? Men do the important work in this world. It’s a woman’s job to find a husband and raise a family. Therefore, anything she does that is not directly attributing to that doesn’t matter, and when he approaches her, he’s just trying to make her dreams come true. But when a woman approaches a man, she’s just a silly girl who’s getting in the way of his important work.

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